


Hug

by ffwriter2018



Category: bechloe - Fandom
Genre: F/F, mentions of anxiety depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 06:31:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffwriter2018/pseuds/ffwriter2018
Summary: Beca is struggling with her inner demons.





	Hug

Beca was having the worst day. She got no sleep last night because she stayed at work trying to finish this project up. When she was woken up she got into an argument with her boss at work. Her boss told her that the piece she finished last night wasn’t what they wanted, and she needed to do it all over again. On top of that, she got news that her grandmother was rushed to the hospital. Beca felt herself getting into that dark space again but she needed to finish this project. Beca never told anyone but she suffered from anxiety and depression. She was on medication but at this point in her career nothing seemed to help and going through this alone was even harder. She felt even worse because she never told Chloe her girlfriend of a year and a half. Beca was at her breaking point which scared her so much.

Beca was sitting at her desk in her office just staring at her computer screen tears rolling down her face. Her boss came in noticing how drained Beca looked so she sent Beca home told her to take the weekend off. Beca didn’t hesitate she got up left her office and just started walking. She couldn’t remember how long or where she was walking to until her phone rang and she saw Chloe’s face pop up, she smiled trying to clear her throat so it didn’t sound like she was crying. “Hey Becs” Chloe sounded happy Beca couldn’t help but smile. “Hi Chlo” Beca tried but she sounded defeated. Chloe immediately caught on to it. “You ok you sound down,” Chloe asked curiously cause her girlfriend never sounded like that. Beca shook her head negatively but answered: “No, yea Just a rough day at work, that’s all.” Beca half lies. “Oh okay. Well, I’m calling to see if you wanted to order in or go out tonight for dinner it’s just us Amy won’t be home?” Chloe asks sensing something is up with her girlfriend. Beca answers honestly “I don’t feel like going out anywhere could we just stay in tonight?” “ Sounds good I’ll see you at home. I love you Beca.”Chloe emphasizes that last part. Beca fights back her tears as she reply’s “I love you.”

Beca was walking in the park when she saw this family and immediately thought of Chloe. It was two mothers with their son and dog running in the park laughing. Beca all but broke down in tears. She hates feeling like this, seeing that hit her hard because she wants all of that with Chloe. Beca realizes that she has to tell Chloe how she really is doing. Beca looks down at her phone it’s 2:00 she heads home knowing Chloe won’t be home yet. Beca is home by 2:15 She gets home, thankfully Chloe isn’t there yet. Beca forced herself to get into the shower. She started crying in the shower then that was it. She couldn’t stop all the anger all the negative thoughts and feeling. She was finally getting it all out, not hiding anymore. Once she was done the shower she changed into pajamas and laid in bed facing the door waiting for Chloe to come home. Laying there for three hours she tried to sleep but she couldn’t shut her brain off. She heard the sound of her roommate outside the door looking for her keys. As ready as she was to finally tell Chloe she was just as equally scared.

Beca laid there she closed her eyes as tears started rolling down her cheek. The apartment was dark Beca had no lights on no music it was silent. When Chloe walked in she was texting Beca not knowing she was home already until she heard Beca’s phone went off scaring Chloe. Beca sniffled “Sorry I didn’t text you that I was home, didn’t mean to scare you.” Chloe turned on the light in the kitchen looking over to their bed. “It’s okay. You’re home early what time did you get here?” Chloe asked walking towards her girlfriend. Beca couldn’t answer she was crying, Chloe rushed over to her never seeing Beca like this. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Chloe asked wiping Beca’s tears moving her hair from her face waiting patiently, letting Beca compose herself.

Beca sat her self up in their bed she sat cross-legged. Chloe positioned herself right in front of Beca rubbing her leg. “Easy, breathe Becs.” Chloe was trying to calm her down. After a few mins Beca’s breathing was back to normal she couldn’t look at Chloe she’d start crying again. Beca takes a deep breath she thinks to herself this is it. “I love you so much Chloe I hope you know that.” Beca finally looks at her girlfriend noticing Chloe has tears in her eyes. “There are things I’ve been trying to handle alone for a while. I thought I had it all under control but work has gotten to much, I’m not feeling like myself. I never told you because I didn’t want you to think any different of me. Even tho I know you are not that type of person but I can not get that voice out of my head.”

Beca looks at Chloe she couldn’t help it but a small smile crept on her face. “I have been on medication for about 6 years for anxiety and depression. I have had two breakdowns in all the years that I’ve known you this is the first time I have ever told anyone.” “I am so in love with you I love you more than anything in this world, that scares me.” Beca admits “It scares me because I never thought I’d be in a relationship where I picture myself having a wedding, dogs, kids and growing old with somebody I love. I’m scared because as happy as you make me I still have these thoughts that I’m not worthy of you and these doubts that you deserve better than me this incomplete broken person who has technically lied to you for years.” Beca broke down again. Chloe put her hands on Beca’s face wiping tears away, waiting for Beca to look her in her eyes.

Beca looked at Chloe and she couldn’t help but fall even more in love with her. She instinctively wiped Chloe’s tears that fell. “There have been times that I wanted to tell you but I was scared of losing you. I thought I could handle it alone but I can’t. I need to get a handle on this again so I can be better for you, but more importantly myself.” She said that last part looking directly at Chloe, finally everything is out. “From the first time I saw you all those years ago I knew that you were going to be something extremely special in my life. When we finally started dating it was the start of a life that I had only dreamt of. I never thought I would get the chance to fall asleep with the person who makes me so happy and wake up to that same face each morning. The little things you do for me like making sure my coffee is set in the mornings to just listen to me go on and on about work. You have never made me feel nothing but loved by you. I want everything with you the wedding, dogs, the kids. But most importantly I need YOU Beca.” Chloe emphasizes those last four words.

Chloe wipes Beca’s face as she continues, “You said that you feel like you’re not worthy of loving me and you think I deserve better, but babe you are my better. You make me a better person. Every day I think how lucky I am to be able to say I’m your girlfriend. You’ve shown me so much understanding and compassion I never could. I love you so much. You didn’t lie to me, please don’t ever think you did. I know you have a hard time talking about things and it’s a way for you to protect yourself. I admire your strength and dedication, those are just two of the thousands of things I love about you.” Beca is looking at Chloe like she first did when they said “I love you” “ I will be with you whenever or wherever you need. I am not going anywhere, you are my everything and I’m going to be here with you always.” Chloe picks up Beca’s hands and kisses them. “What do you need right now right this minute babe?” Chloe asked as Beca begins to cry again. “I need you. Can we just lay here together?” Before she could finish Chloe got in the middle of their bed got comfortable under their blankets held her arms open waiting for Beca. She held Beca tight as she finally let everything go. Chloe never left held her tight while reassuring Beca how loved she was and that she was with her always.


End file.
